"Stop it, Erin."

I talk to myself. I tend to become obsessive over small things and can't get my mind onto something else until I've satisfied the thought process. So my phrase: "Stop it, Erin." It works surprisingly well!

Along with obsession comes habits that are hard to break because you're afraid that if you don't follow along with this behavior that something might not work out so well...not quite obsessive-compulsive, but along the same lines. So my obsession: getting to where I need to be on-time or early, and my compulsion: hurrying everywhere.

I had rehearsal this morning at 7am until 8am, and then had rehearsal elsewhere at 9:30am (i.e. plenty of time to take public transportation with time to spare). So what do I do? I speed walk to the train, and then somewhere in the tunnel transferring between trains and people walking slow or fast I realize that I'm wishing that the girl in front of me would go faster. And I ask myself, "Why does she need to go faster for me?" Stop it, Erin. (See? It works!) So I slow my walk a bit, and realize how unnatural it feels, and then think how much it sucks that taking my time feels unnatural. Later, I finish my train ride and decide to train myself to walk slower on my way to rehearsal. It was SO HARD! If I wasn't specifically thinking about it I went fast again. And then I was walking faster than this "I work at a desk" girl and I passed her. Go Me! But then I came to the street crossing and she caught up to me. "That's not supposed to happen." Grrr...

And you know what I did once I got to the rehearsal space? I sat down on the couch for 45 minutes and finished my book. I guess it's okay to rush to relax?

Well, long story short: On my way to my other job post-rehearsals, I'm driving and come to a traffic signal and wait to turn left. Right before it turned red there was still traffic and I decided not to be run over by crazy Chicago drivers. Then, this lady drives up behind me and honks for me to go as it's turning red - and she wouldn't have been able to go unless she ran the red. Karma's a b***h.

But then I was late for work...so that doesn't encourage me to pursue this non-rush period. We'll see what happens...