Love/Hate relationships

So my last post was a while ago because my life has been non-stop. June is awesome and I get to dance so much with the Cerqua Rivera shows last weekend that practically convinced me that I wanted to stay with the company if they offer me a paying role, Dmitri's performance this upcoming weekend where I really feel like I'm starting something from the ground-up and I can express my own movement, the Thodos intensive next weekend wondering if they would offer me anything this upcoming season, and then being asked to perform for the Hope Through Dance project at the end of the month. It's amazing, and I want to dance more than ever. And then I woke up this morning, and my life did another flip-flop.

A few months ago I auditioned for the Kibbutz Contemporary Dance Company based in Israel, and so much time had passed and paperwork I thought had gone forgotten, until they offered me $7500 for a $7300 apprenticeship program. Granted I still have to pay for food and flight, and figure out what to do with all of my stuff here... but it's amazing. And I remember the recruiter saying that I would be perfect. And THEN I remember that I have a great guy here that I don't want to leave, but that he supports me in what I want to do.

Until I told him and found out he really isn't sure if he's okay with me leaving for 5 months. Which is totally understandable, but makes this much less exciting and more depressing. The fact that I can't tell him how I really see my future going, and that, because of pasts remembered, I may not get to realize that. And then I have to remind myself to think of what I would do if I didn't have any attachments and what I would feel I needed to do to reach/surpass my dreams. But being in love is also my ultimate dream. It wouldn't be worth it to get where I've been striving without someone that I love to share it with....long distance or not.